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Getting it Right in Relationship Matters

Posted By:  Mkpoikanke Otu on April 26, 2020  

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The inspiration for this topic came from the various questions and concerns raised by individual clients at different times concerning their relationships. Many clients that have met me indicated that they want to do the right thing to do in their relationship so I decided to write this article in response to their numerous questions. However, this article will also benefit the world of young male and female individuals who may want to engage in relationships and marriage.

The article “Getting it right in relationship matters” reveals the will of God in the relationship. Its major focus is the right things to do in relationships, as willed by God. I have tried as much as possible to eliminate my personal opinion and experience and focus totally on the will of God. This is because the will of God is the best for everyone. Find out how to live as a single, whom to marry, when to marry and how to marry.

God’s will in relationship matters

In relationship matters, God’s will means God’s gracious disposition or desire toward one’s relationship and marriage. It is the plan of God that He wrote regarding (1) how one should live as single, (2) whom one should marry (3) when one should marry and (4) how one should marry. Nothing in our life is an afterthought. Consider what the following scriptures say:

—  Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb”.

—  Psalm 139:16  You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

—  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

This shows that God had already determined what should happen to us. Therefore, we should follow His plan on how to live even as single.

How to live as a single

A single, in this context, is someone who is not married. If you are single, your relationship with family members, school mates, work colleagues, brethren, business associates, acquaintances, and other individuals is meant to be normal. It is normal in the sense that there is no romantic or sexual involvement. The parties involved respect themselves and express genuine love towards each other.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 (NLT) “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin”.

18 Run from sexual sin (including kissing, romantic touching, caressing, texting and actual sex.)! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

The only love expression required from a single person is being patient, being kind, not being jealous, not bragging, not being proud, not being rude, not being selfish, not being angry easily, not remembering the wrongs done by another, always being happy, not giving up on others,  ever trusting, and never loses hope. Your expected love expression involves doing to others what is right, respecting others’ opinion and personality, submitting to one and another, walking in peace with everyone, honouring one another, being faithful and being willing to go extra miles to help others [1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Matthew 7:12; Romans 12:10; Romans 13:7; Philippians 2:3-4; Ephesians 5:21].

Another thing a single person should do is to surrender totally to God, in obedience to His word, not conforming to the standards of the world and transforming inwardly.

Romans 12:1-2 (GNT) 1 So then, my friends, because of God's great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer. 2 Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.

The will of God for your relationship and marriage is in line with God’s purpose for your life. Thus, you should answer the question of whether you will fulfill God’s purpose for your life by marrying the person you intend to marry. But you will only agree with this after you have been transformed inwardly and you have experienced a complete change of mind (from worldly desires to Godly desires).

Whom you should marry

 If you obey the first point to keep yourself holy and stay away from sexual sin (including kissing, romantic touching, caressing, texting and actual sex), it will be easier to know the right person you should marry. However, you still have other principles to obey.

2 Corinthians 6:14-16: 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what [a]fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what [b]communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you[c] are the temple of the living God.

This suggests that the will of God for you is to marry your kind. If you are a believer you are to marry another believer. That believer may not necessarily be from your church denomination. But both of you should abide by the teachings of Our Lord Jesus Christ. You shouldn’t have major doctrinal differences that cannot be compromised. If you do, both of you should be willing to make genuine adjustments long before marriage.

How would you know the specific person? The specific person you should marry is the hidden or secret will of God that is only revealed to you at the appropriate time. But you have to obey the scriptures above by being holy, not conforming to the world’s standard and not surrounding yourself with unbelievers. Then the Lord will reveal the person you should marry to you at the time appointed for you to know. It may come to you like a thought, you may have a dream or a vision, or you may know through any other means the Lord desires to use and communicate His will to you. Also, He may create circumstances to ensure that you and your spouse meet together and marry.

However, pray that you do not fall into temptation until His will is done in your life. Also, ensure that you are properly guided by the Holy Spirit and that you are taking wise counsel from godly people while ignoring the counsel of the foolish and the ungodly people.

When to marry

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. – God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11).

Work with God closely to know when you should take a particular step. However, avoid unnecessary steps. If dating and/or courtship do not involve romantic and sexual activities you may go into it for a short time to prepare for your wedding and marriage. But note that such a relationship should begin when there is proper agreement to marry each other (Read part two of this topic). This suggests that you should be ready to marry before you take a step. More importantly, follow the leadings of the Holy Spirit and wise counsel. Avoid taking counsel from the ungodly people.  

How to marry

Some people follow the will of God in making choice and divert to something else in the marriage preparation, ceremony, and institution. If you decide to follow the will of God you should continue with it to the end. For instance, some people keep themselves holy as single but defiled by involving in romantic activities during the engagement. Please note that sexual activities are only permitted in marriage. If it is not done in marriage you may be convicted of sexual lust, fornication or adultery. The person you are courting, engaged or betrothed to marry is not yet your husband/wife until the actual marriage takes place. Therefore, sex is not permitted between the two of you. 

Do not follow the standard of the world in organizing your marriage ceremony (wedding). Maintain the standards of God, righteousness, and holiness.

Proverbs 18:22 The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

16 Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

Psalm 19:7-9 (NASB) 7 The law of the Lord is [a]perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. 8 The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. 9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether.

The next phase of this article focused on different kinds of relationships. Find it and read.

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