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15 False Things People Say about having Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Posted By:  Mkpoikanke Otu on April 30, 2020  

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A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is mostly short-term, deadly, demanding, threatening, planless, purposeless, undirected, unguided, aimlessly drifting, deceitful, lustful, and immoral. It is initiated and maintained for needless reasons.

Here are the false things people say about this type of relationship:

           i.         Boy-girl friend relationship is not a sin and the Bible doesn’t condemn it:  It is not true. This is false because even though the relationship itself is not called “sin”, its operation leads to sinful acts.  Even if the phrase “boy-girl friend relationship” is not found in the bible, its expression is condemned. For instance, the bible says: “Flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). The easiest way to obey this command is to avoid any action that may result in premarital sex – including kissing, romantic touching, caressing, texting and actual sex. Anyone who is not in a boy-girl friend relationship has a 100% chance of not being tempted to be involved in premarital sexual actions. The bible also says “But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints” (Ephesians 5:3); “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). The boy-girl friend relationship belongs to one’s earthly nature and it is condemned. Also, the bible says “Abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Boy-girl friend relationship is one of the forms or appearances of evil that the bible commands we should abstain from. The surest way to fall into the sin of fornication, adultery, or sexual immorality is to engage in a boy-girl friend relationship.

      ii. You need to be in a boy-girl friend relationship so you can marry on time: This is false! Someone may marry faster if he/she is not distracted by boy-girl friend relationship. Boy-girl friend relationship makes one distracted, occupied, and confused. It increases the chance of one not knowing a potential spouse. It also keeps one busy with planless, purposeless, undirected, unguided, aimlessly drifting, deceitful, lustful, and immoral relationships. The promises, vows, and covenants made by boy-girl friends are never fulfilled. People spent years in such a relationship and end up regretting it. Those that refused to end the relationship continue to a regrettable, unfaithful, and frustrating marriage. Contrary to the popular opinion and false speculation, I counsel you to stay single so you can marry on time.

    iii. It is not hurting you, just mind your business: It’s hurting the nation. Look at this: “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people” (Proverbs 14:34). The consequences of boy-girl friend relationship bring disgrace to the nation and the people. It hurts the concerned citizens when youths are dropping out of schools, losing focus, being confused, contacting STIs, committing abortion, giving birth out of wedlock, and regretting in their marriages as consequences of their engagement in a boy-girl friend relationship. The consequences also affected families, communities, and the nation. We can’t claim that what we do as individuals do not affect other people. We should be bothered about how our attitudes affect the people around us.

    iv. You need to love and be loved: The love single persons need to give and receive is not romantic love. It is being patient, being kind, not being jealous, not bragging, not being proud, not being rude, not being selfish, not being angry easily, not remembering the wrongs done against him/her, always being happy, not giving up on people,  ever trusting, and never loses hope. These are the expressions of love that you need to give and receive to stay psychologically sound.

      v. Everybody is doing it, therefore it is not bad: To start with, everybody is doing it. There are still thousands of young people that are not in a boy-girl friend relationship. Moreover, you are not still permitted to do it because your best friends, neighbours, classmates, and brethren are doing it. It is still bad irrespective of the number, category and class of persons involved.

    vi. Someone who is of age should have a boyfriend and girlfriend: There is no age specified for engaging in a boy-girl friend relationship. Advancement in age is supposed to make someone mature enough to terminate the boy-girl friend relationship he or she initiated out of immaturity. 

  vii. A boy-girl friend relationship provides a confidant: A confidant is someone with whom you share a secret or private matter, trusting that he or she will not repeat it to someone else. Really, this kind of person is not found in boy-girl friend relationship! But even if he or she is found, it’s not making such a relationship right. It’s only making you more vulnerable. As a single person, you can confide in your brother, sister, father, mother, mentor, pastor, counsellor, teacher or close friend whom you are not sexually attracted to and he/she is not sexually attracted to you. Anybody you are sexually attracted to, apart from your husband or wife, can risk your confidential information and voice it out to the public or use it against you.  

viii. Boy-girl friend relationship helps determine the right marriage partner: Boy-girl friend relationship does not help determine the right marriage partner. Rather, it leads to the wrong choice of marriage partner. It usually blinds the parties involved from seeing the realities and pushes them to create unrealistic expectations that later result in marital problems.

    ix. Boy-girl friend relationship makes people determine their compatibility and love before they marry: Compatibility means that you get along with somebody very well while love, in this context, means a deeper emotion that you feel for another person. A boy-girl friend relationship may not provide an avenue to determine your compatibility and love with someone. Often time, people go into delusion in trying to determine their compatibility and love as boyfriends and girlfriends. This is because getting along with somebody and undertaking exciting activities may not be enough to build a good marriage. However, compatibility and love should be determined by two people who intend to marry. 

     x. I feel safe being in the boy-girl friend relationship: Really, there is no safety in it. There is a problem when you become dependent on your boyfriend or girlfriend for safety. If you're with your boyfriend or girlfriend because being single is terrifying, you may be wrong.

    xi. Life is lonely without a boyfriend or girlfriend: This is not true at all. Being lonely includes having anxious feelings about the lack of connection with other people both in the present and in the future. One can be lonely even when surrounded by other people because being lonely is the state of the heart. Even married people can suffer from loneliness. Thus, the solution to loneliness is not to sign into a boy-girl friend relationship, but to identify its cause and seek a proper solution.  

  xii. Life is boring without a boyfriend or girlfriend: Boyfriends and girlfriends make their partners sad and bored in the end. But you can have the most exciting moment of your life without a boyfriend or a girlfriend. All you need to do is to focus on developing yourself spiritually, economically, socially, emotionally and intellectually. Also, maintain a normal relationship with everyone. Show love and keep peace with all men and women.

xiii. Boy-girl friend relationship helps to prove if one can be a cable wife or husband: This is not true because the responsibilities of a husband and a wife are not the same as that of a boyfriend and a girlfriend. One may not perform a husband’s or wife’s responsibilities in a boy-girl friend relationship. Responsible boyfriends and girlfriends can be irresponsible husband and wife.  

xiv. You are going to have sexual dissatisfaction in marriage if you don’t engage in boy-girl friend relationship: This is false because your sex life is meant to be built in marriage. You don’t need any premarital sexual experience. Those that don’t engage in boy-girl friend relationship before marriage stand a chance to have the most satisfying sex life in marriage, while those that engaged in the relationship before marriage may have the most dissatisfied and suspicious sex life in marriage.

  xv. People that do not have boyfriend and girlfriend before marriage experience infidelity: This is not true. People that engaged in boy-girl friend relationships before marriage may experience a high rate of infidelity. This is because boy-girl friend relationship opens people up to a lack of trust, unfaithfulness, lies, and dishonesty. Therefore, the easiest way to prevent infidelity and its argumentation in marriage is to disengage from boy-girl friend relationship before marriage.

xvi. People say, “no one would buy a car without testing”: People used this adage to justify their involvement in premarital sex through boy-girl friend relationship. This should not be so. You don’t have to test your would-be husband or wife sexually before you marry him or her. Every man or woman has the potential to be sexually active in marriage. Walk by faith and not by sight.

Seeing these false things people say about boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I counsel you to take a stand to say “no” to boyfriend/girlfriend relationship so you might lead a successful life. This counsel is in line with the fundamental rules of God which must be maintained by all. For instance, one of the fundamental rules is that you should not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Song of Songs 2:7, NIV). You can agree with me that boyfriend/girlfriend relationship arouses and awakens love and that violets the fundamental rule of God. Therefore, stay away from it and wait for the time appointed for you to marry. [Read the related articles such as “Do I really need a boyfriend/girlfriend? Getting it right in relationship matters, etc.”]


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