A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is
mostly short-term, deadly, demanding, threatening, planless, purposeless,
undirected, unguided, aimlessly drifting, deceitful, lustful, and immoral. It
is initiated and maintained for needless reasons.
Here are the false things
people say about this type of relationship:
Boy-girl friend relationship is not a sin and the Bible
doesn’t condemn it: It is not true. This is false because even though the
relationship itself is not called “sin”, its operation leads to sinful
acts. Even if the phrase “boy-girl
friend relationship” is not found in the bible, its expression is condemned.
For instance, the bible says: “Flee from
sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).
The easiest way to obey this command is to avoid any action that may result
in premarital sex – including kissing, romantic touching, caressing, texting
and actual sex. Anyone who is not in a boy-girl friend relationship has a 100%
chance of not being tempted to be involved in premarital sexual actions. The
bible also says “But sexual immorality,
and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you,
as becomes saints” (Ephesians 5:3); “Put
to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual
immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry”
(Colossians 3:5). The boy-girl friend relationship belongs to one’s earthly
nature and it is condemned. Also, the bible says “Abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Boy-girl friend relationship is one
of the forms or appearances of evil that the bible commands we should abstain
from. The surest way to fall into the sin of fornication, adultery, or sexual
immorality is to engage in a boy-girl friend relationship.
ii. You need to be in a boy-girl friend relationship so
you can marry on time: This is false!
Someone may marry faster if he/she is not distracted by boy-girl friend
relationship. Boy-girl friend relationship makes one distracted, occupied, and
confused. It increases the chance of one not knowing a potential spouse. It
also keeps one busy with planless, purposeless, undirected, unguided, aimlessly
drifting, deceitful, lustful, and immoral relationships. The promises, vows,
and covenants made by boy-girl friends are never fulfilled. People spent years
in such a relationship and end up regretting it. Those that refused to end the
relationship continue to a regrettable, unfaithful, and frustrating marriage.
Contrary to the popular opinion and false speculation, I counsel you to stay
single so you can marry on time.
iii. It is not hurting you, just mind your business: It’s hurting the nation. Look at this: “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a
disgrace to any people” (Proverbs 14:34). The consequences of boy-girl
friend relationship bring disgrace to the nation and the people. It hurts the
concerned citizens when youths are dropping out of schools, losing focus, being
confused, contacting STIs, committing abortion, giving birth out of wedlock,
and regretting in their marriages as consequences of their engagement in a boy-girl
friend relationship. The consequences also affected families, communities, and
the nation. We can’t claim that what we do as individuals do not affect other
people. We should be bothered about how our attitudes affect the people around
iv. You need to love and be loved: The love single persons need to give and receive is
not romantic love. It is being patient, being kind, not being jealous, not
bragging, not being proud, not being rude, not being selfish, not being angry
easily, not remembering the wrongs done against him/her, always being happy,
not giving up on people, ever trusting,
and never loses hope. These are the expressions of love that you need to give
and receive to stay psychologically sound.
v. Everybody is doing it, therefore it is not bad: To start with, everybody is doing it. There are still
thousands of young people that are not in a boy-girl friend relationship.
Moreover, you are not still permitted to do it because your best friends,
neighbours, classmates, and brethren are doing it. It is still bad irrespective
of the number, category and class of persons involved.
vi. Someone who is of age should have a boyfriend and
girlfriend: There is no age specified
for engaging in a boy-girl friend relationship. Advancement in age is supposed
to make someone mature enough to terminate the boy-girl friend relationship he
or she initiated out of immaturity.
vii. A boy-girl friend relationship provides a confidant: A confidant is someone with whom you share a secret or
private matter, trusting that he or she will not repeat it to someone else.
Really, this kind of person is not found in boy-girl friend relationship! But
even if he or she is found, it’s not making such a relationship right. It’s
only making you more vulnerable. As a single person, you can confide in your
brother, sister, father, mother, mentor, pastor, counsellor, teacher or close
friend whom you are not sexually attracted to and he/she is not sexually
attracted to you. Anybody you are sexually attracted to, apart from your
husband or wife, can risk your confidential information and voice it out to the
public or use it against you.
viii. Boy-girl friend relationship helps determine the right
marriage partner: Boy-girl friend
relationship does not help determine the right marriage partner. Rather, it
leads to the wrong choice of marriage partner. It usually blinds the parties
involved from seeing the realities and pushes them to create unrealistic
expectations that later result in marital problems.
ix. Boy-girl friend relationship makes people determine
their compatibility and love before they marry: Compatibility means that you get along with somebody
very well while love, in this context, means a deeper emotion that you feel for
another person. A boy-girl friend relationship may not provide an avenue to
determine your compatibility and love with someone. Often time, people go into
delusion in trying to determine their compatibility and love as boyfriends and
girlfriends. This is because getting along with somebody and undertaking
exciting activities may not be enough to build a good marriage. However,
compatibility and love should be determined by two people who intend to marry.
x. I feel safe being in the boy-girl friend relationship: Really, there is no safety in it. There is a problem
when you become dependent on your boyfriend or girlfriend for safety. If you're
with your boyfriend or girlfriend because being single is terrifying, you may
xi. Life is lonely without a boyfriend or girlfriend: This is not true at all. Being lonely includes having
anxious feelings about the lack of connection with other people both in the
present and in the future. One can be lonely even when surrounded by other
people because being lonely is the state of the heart. Even married people can
suffer from loneliness. Thus, the solution to loneliness is not to sign into a
boy-girl friend relationship, but to identify its cause and seek a proper
xii. Life is boring without a boyfriend or girlfriend: Boyfriends and girlfriends make their partners sad and
bored in the end. But you can have the most exciting moment of your life
without a boyfriend or a girlfriend. All you need to do is to focus on
developing yourself spiritually, economically, socially, emotionally and
intellectually. Also, maintain a normal relationship with everyone. Show love
and keep peace with all men and women.
xiii. Boy-girl friend relationship helps to prove if one can
be a cable wife or husband: This
is not true because the responsibilities of a husband and a wife are not the
same as that of a boyfriend and a girlfriend. One may not perform a husband’s
or wife’s responsibilities in a boy-girl friend relationship. Responsible
boyfriends and girlfriends can be irresponsible husband and wife.
xiv. You are going to have sexual dissatisfaction in
marriage if you don’t engage in boy-girl friend relationship: This is false because your sex life is meant to be
built in marriage. You don’t need any premarital sexual experience. Those that
don’t engage in boy-girl friend relationship before marriage stand a chance to
have the most satisfying sex life in marriage, while those that engaged in the
relationship before marriage may have the most dissatisfied and suspicious sex
life in marriage.
xv. People that do not have boyfriend and girlfriend
before marriage experience infidelity: This
is not true. People that engaged in boy-girl friend relationships before
marriage may experience a high rate
of infidelity. This is because boy-girl friend relationship opens people up to a
lack of trust, unfaithfulness, lies, and dishonesty. Therefore, the easiest way
to prevent infidelity and its argumentation in marriage is to disengage from
boy-girl friend relationship before marriage.
xvi. People say, “no one would buy a car without testing”: People used this adage to justify their involvement
in premarital sex through boy-girl friend relationship. This should not be so.
You don’t have to test your would-be husband or wife sexually before you marry
him or her. Every man or woman has the potential to be sexually active in
marriage. Walk by faith and not by sight.
these false things people say about boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I counsel
you to take a stand to say “no” to boyfriend/girlfriend
relationship so you might lead a successful life. This counsel is in line with
the fundamental rules of God which must be maintained by all. For instance, one
of the fundamental rules is that you should not arouse or awaken love until
it so desires (Song of Songs
2:7, NIV). You can agree with me that boyfriend/girlfriend relationship
arouses and awakens love and that violets the fundamental rule of God. Therefore,
stay away from it and wait for the time appointed for you to marry. [Read the
related articles such as “Do I really need a boyfriend/girlfriend? Getting it
right in relationship matters, etc.”]