Facts About Dating
Many young people
misunderstood the concept of dating and courtship and got trapped with their
lovers. Others entered into dating due to ignorance,
need for belongings, lack of money, peer pressure, improper parental
upbringing, parental pressure, disobedience, love of money, lusts, lack of
proper guidance, fear of losing a potential spouse, negative home and school
influence, availability of contraception, desperation to marry, among others.
These causes vary from one individual to another and decline as an individual
grows and matures in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. That is, maturity in
knowledge, wisdom, and understanding get someone out of the trouble of dating
and improper courtship.
is dating and how do I avoid it?
Dating is a form of
romantic relationship typically between two individuals to assess the other’s
suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship (Oxford Dictionary).
Dating has negative consequences the same as boy-girl friend relationship if
sexual activities are involved (Read “Do
I really need boyfriend/girlfriend?” http://www.otusumconsult.com/blog/read-post?aid=22).
Just like boy-girl friend
relationship, dating is not a moral practice for anybody judging from its
definition. It provides situations that could compromise the purity of spirit,
soul, and body. Its psychological effect
may include lack of concentration, poor attention span, low self-esteem,
indecision, emotional trauma, depression, lack of self-confidence, wrong choice
of spouse, delayed marriage, and anxiety. Also, dating may have health effects
such as sexually transmitted infections, HIV, unwanted pregnancy and abortion.
Therefore, dating in its natural meaning is not encouraged.
1: How will I marry
if I’m not dating someone?
Dating may delay your
marriage than quickening it. Thus, instead of dating, get involved in normal
relationships. The normal relationship includes
a relationship with family members, school mates, work colleagues, brethren,
business associates, acquaintances, and other individuals with any form of
sexual activity. The parties involved should respect themselves and express
genuine love towards each other.
One of the laws covering this relationship is that you
have to see young men as your brothers and young women as your sisters; see old men as your fathers and old
women as your mothers [1 Timothy 5:2].
This implies that you don’t have to lust sexually after anyone nor have a romantic
touch, kiss, and sexual intercourse with anyone in the context of a normal
relationship. Thus, if someone likes you and would want to marry you, instead
of dating, you can get along and talk freely with him without kissing,
touching, caressing and having sex.
Also, as a single person,
learn about God concerning relationships and marriage while waiting for your
spouse to meet you. Understand that you will not lack a spouse and that one day
you shall meet your spouse (Isaiah 34:16).
Question 2: How do I
check sexual compatibility if I’m not dating?
I want you to understand
that sex life is meant to be built in marriage. Therefore you don’t need any
premarital sexual experience (Read “15 false things people say about having
There is no need to check
someone’s sexual capability before you marry. Or can you imagine checking up to
five persons and none is compatible? Will you keep checking? It doesn’t make
sense to check it or allow someone to check for you. You don’t need to check
You are meant to learn,
grow and develop sexual compatibility together with your spouse in marriage.
You don’t have to test it or to give to someone to test before you marry for
that will be called “sexual immorality or fornication” even if you later get
married. Thus, the intention to marry does not permit anyone to engage in
sexual activities. Any act of sex is immoral and sin and has a great
consequence irrespective of justification you give. Aside from marriage, sex is
not authorized (1 Corinthians 7:1-10). Therefore, believe that your
husband/wife will satisfy you sexually when you marry. If he/she doesn’t, both
of you can get help through teaching, counsel, and reading.
Question 3: How do I
determine fertility if I’m not dating?
You don’t have to go into sexual activity to determine
fertility. It can be determined medically in the hospitals if you so wish. Moreover,
Children are a gift from
the Lord (Psalm 127:3). Trust God for children in your marriage.
that it is the will of God for you to stay away from premarital and
extra-marital romantic and sexual activities.
1 Thessalonians 4:3
(NLT) “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin”.
6:18-20 18 Run from sexual sin (including
kissing, romantic touching, caressing, pornography, sexting, and actual sex)!
No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual
immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body
is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?
You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you
must honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter.
Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.[a] 2 But
because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife,
and each woman should have her own husband.
relationship should begin with marriage engagement not sexual commitment [Read
my article titled “Engagement and