years ago, I heard a guy telling his girlfriend on a phone call to take a
picture of her breast and her ‘private part’ and send it to him so he can
sleep. Three years down the line, a mature lady told me that a guy who was
interested in her once embarrassed her by sending his nude picture to her. This
kind of embarrassment has been recurring in recent time and I began to wonder
where the current generation of young people are heading to.
during our online relationship seminar, I heard abusive cases of boyfriends placing
demand on their girlfriends’ nude pictures, and it dawned on me that women are suffering
in the hand of their so-called relationship partners. I rediscovered the need
for women and men to understand the value of womanhood, peradventure this would
help to curtail the degree of abuse, embarrassment, and harassment women are
facing in their relationships. I will create an understanding of who a woman
is, the value of a woman, and how to regain and retain the value of a woman.
Who is a woman?
of the respectful ways to describe a woman is that "a woman is a wife or a
would-be wife”. Another way to describe a woman to portray the real meaning of
the word is that "a woman is a mother due to her compassionate heart and
ability to care and give comfort” (Isiah
49:15). To this end, every woman, irrespective of age, has the potential to
be a wife and a mother.
woman can be compared to the life of our Lord Jesus Christ which was a model of
motherly love. Also, a woman is likened to the Holy Spirit in terms of
quietness and intercessory ability. Thus, a woman is by nature a symbol of both
the Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit in terms of caring, compassionate, comfort,
and intercessory abilities.
a woman is not a second class citizen of any nation, family, household, organization,
or religious denominations. She is not the second version of a human being or a
lower part of man. In terms of creation, she is in the same category as a man
and shares equal inheritance with man, especially if she is in Christ. She is
valuable and important in the same way as a man.
that note, a woman is not synonymous with disrespect, abuse, embarrassment,
harassment, insult, dishonor, and disregard. Rather, the word “woman” implies
tenderness and courtesy. It is true that “the woman” was taken from the man (Genesis 2:23), therefore the man has
preeminent, but yet honour is to be given to the woman “as unto the weaker
vessel”. Likewise, husbands, live with
your wives in an understanding way, showing
honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of
the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7; ref. 1 Corinthians 11:1-3; 8-9).
This shows that in the plan of God there is due relation of the sexes. The men
are to be acting wisely with tenderness, forbearance, and care towards the
women. The ‘weak’ nature of women in terms of their tenderness and courtesy
should not be their disadvantage. Rather, it should be their advantage because
God designed them to be tender and forbearing so they can perform their
responsibilities as wives and mothers.
this instruction was given in the marriage context, those who are not married
yet need the instruction also to know how to relate with the opposite sex. It
may be true that a guy who is abusing girls will abuse his wife more. Likewise,
a girl that subjects herself to be abused or maltreated by a guy may get to a
worse state of her life when she is married. This is because people do not
suddenly change when they get married. Their behaviours, characters, and
attitudes do not suddenly change from negative to positive. Instead, marital
stress may make them change from positive to negative. Therefore, the best time
to understand the value of womanhood is when one is not married.
The value of a woman
first value of a woman is that God created her in His image
values women the same way He values men because there is no partiality in Him
(Romans 2:11): “So God created man in his
own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he
created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and
multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of
the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that
moves on the earth" (Genesis
1:27-28). This quotation from the Holy Scripture shows that God gave
man and woman the same blessing to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and
subdue it and have dominion over every living thing that moves on the earth. This
was not given to the man alone, but to both the man and the woman at the same
time. Therefore, men should recognize that women have the same dominion mandate
they have to rule over the earth. Also, women should equally recognize that God
has given them the right to rule. However, there must be order in the ruling,
especially at home, and that is why God placed the husband as the head of the
wife and ordered the wife to submit to her husband (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians
5:22). The purpose of this is to create a good administrative climate where the
husband and the wife take their respective responsibilities and positions
without chaos. The husband is not superior to the wife neither is the wife
inferior to the husband. Both, are equal, important, and valuable even while
taking their respective responsibilities and positions at home. This is still
applicable in the relationship context. The man who is seeking to marry a woman
is not superior to the woman and the woman is not inferior for any reason.
my point of emphasis here is that every woman must realize that she was created
in the image of God, and she must cherish that and place a high value on
herself. The value a woman can place on
herself in this context is that of maintaining the image of God. She can do
that by keeping herself away from sin. If she losses that image she is losing
her value. At that point, she will be good for nothing, and men will be playing
her as a game in relationships. “You
are the salt of the earth. But if the salt should lose its taste, how can it be
made salty? It’s no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled
on by men (Matthew 5:13). For
those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son,
so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He
predestined, He also called, and those He called, He also justified; and those
He justified, He also glorified (Romans 8:29-30). Any woman that maintains
the image of God in her life by refusing to kiss, fondle, masturbate, have sex,
lie, abort, or commit other sins will be glorified at the end.
second value of a woman is that Jesus bought her with a high price of His blood
“Don’t you know that your body is a
sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought
at a price. Therefore glorify God in
your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
This understanding will keep anyone away from anything that defiles the body. Just
think about how you value any important or precious thing you bought with a
high price –you won't let it fall on the ground. But the blood of Jesus is
higher than any price you can imagine, and He used it to buy you so your body
can be without sexual immorality. He wants to use your body as His temple
because He paid for it by His blood, and that shows the value He has for you.
who is that man or woman that should devalue your precious body that Jesus
bought? Why should there be fornication, masturbation, lust, pornography,
sexting, and kissing when your body was bought by the Blood of the Lord? Shouldn't
you wait till you marry before you experience sexual activities because
marriage is honourable and the marriage bed is undefiled? (Hebrews 13:4). Would you want the blood of Jesus to be in vain in
your life? Or would you want to see Him go to the cross again?, and that’s not
possible! If not, check what you do with your body and keep it Holy for the
Lord. This would mean you placing a high
value on your body to the point that you can’t defile it irrespective of any
terrible situation you may find yourself. You can prefer to go hungry, live in abject poverty, or die than to
defile your body and become rich. You can equally prefer to be unmarried than
to defile your body in sexual immorality and get married. If all the men
around you want to have sex with you, and you value your body the way Christ
valued it, you will prefer to be unmarried than to defile your body and marry. For what does it benefit a man (or a woman)
to gain the whole world yet lose his (or her) life? (Mark 8:36). I believe
if you value your body and decide to keep it holy everyone else will value it
too and God will never disappoint you.
third value of a woman is that God gives her the Holy Spirit and gifts of the
“And it shall come to pass afterward,
that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men
shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. Even on the male and female servants in those days, I will
pour out my Spirit” (Joel 2:28-29). For
all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery
to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by
whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit
that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and
fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him so that we may also be
glorified with him (Romans 8:14-16). Women are given the same Holy Spirit that men are
given. Therefore, they are both valuable children of God if they are led by the
Spirit. They can manifest all the gifts of the Spirit and they can function as
pastors, prophets, evangelists, apostles, teachers, administrators, helpers,
givers, among others. Scriptural examples of women that have operated in their
spiritual gifts and functioned as ministers are: Miriam (Exodus 15:20), Deborah
(Judges 4:4-5), Huldah (2 Kings 22; Judges 22:14); Noadiah (Nehemiah 6:14),
Anna (Luke 2:36-37), and the daughters of Philip the evangelist (Acts 21:8-9),
among others. Of course, in this present age, many successful women ministers
are flowing in the Spirit and the power of God.
woman that values the Holy Spirit and His gifts will try hard to be blameless
in spirit, soul, and body. She wouldn’t be comfortable being around any man who
devalue her or look down on the Holy Spirit she carries. Also, she would not do anything that griefs the Holy Spirit. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were
sealed by Him for the day of redemption. All bitterness, anger and wrath,
shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also
forgave you in Christ (Ephesians 4:30-32). Therefore, any woman that has
the Holy Spirit and is still messing up her life is lacking a sense of value
that God placed on her.
relationship context …
a relationship context, the woman deserves to be honoured by the man in terms
of how she is treated. For instance, while speaking to her, she deserves the
use of proper words, phrases, and sentences. Foul and abusive words should not
be used at her because of her value; she should not be abused sexually or
verbally; sexy pictures should not be sent to her to arouse her; her sensitive
part should not be fondled; the picture of her nakedness should not be
demanded; her undies should be hidden from men and no man should want to see
her nakedness or have sex with her except her husband.
the woman who understands her value would not expose her nakedness to anyone
who is not her husband yet; she would not have sex until she is married; she would
not have or share her nude pictures with anyone; she would not send or receive
social media symbols that represent sexual activities such as kissing,
fondling, or sexing; she would cover herself in the public and ensure that her
breast, buttocks, hips, navel, tummy, ‘private part’ and other sensitive and
attractive parts of her body are well covered; she would not throw herself on
any man she likes; she would control her emotion and wait for interested man to
woo her; she would not be seen as a cheap commodity where ‘anybody’ can buy;
she wouldn’t be desperate to marry irrespective of her age; she would not be
forced to marry anyone she doesn’t like; she would not hangout with married
men; she would not have romantic chat with married men; she would not collect
recharge card or money from her admirers and she would take responsibility to
do what is right.
have observed that women or girls that don’t understand their value are the
ones messing up themselves in relationships; they are the ones masturbating,
fornicating, lusting and jumping from one man to another in the name of
relationships; they are the ones committing abortion, and taking pills to
dissolve the baby in their womb; they are the ones following married men to
hotels and parties without the fear of God. But the good news is that anyone
that turns to the Lord is helped to regain her values.
HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN YOUR VALUE AS A WOMAN
Fear of the Lord
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is
fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord
will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise
her at the city gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31).
a woman fears the Lord, she is building her values. Thus, the degree to which
men value her is the degree to which she fears the Lord. Nobody will value her
more than she fears the Lord. All her knowledge about relationships and
marriage is in vain without the fear of God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise
wisdom and instruction.” It is true that fools despise wisdom and
instruction and then try to make their relationships work. No! It doesn’t work
like that! The fear of the Lord is the
beginning of knowledge about relationships, marriage, and life. It doesn't
start with whom should I marry?; how would I know the right person?; how would
I marry on time?; or what is the will of God? It starts with the “Fear of the
fear of the Lord means keeping the commandments of God and departing from evil
to escape from His punishment (Psalm 111:10; Job 28:28; Romans 2:6-9). “… by the fear of the Lord, men depart from
evil” (Proverbs 16:6). “Fear God, and
keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).
Therefore, it is the fear of the Lord that can make a woman keep herself holy
and refuse to follow her friends and mess up her life. Without the fear of the
Lord, nothing changes even if she receives counsel every day. Of course, the
best counsel is the one that makes one fear the Lord. The worse counsel is the
one that exposes one to knowledge without the fear of the Lord. This is why at
OTUSUM COUNSELLING CLINIC, we try as much as possible to point people back to
the fear of the Lord so they can get knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.
“Come, children, listen to me; I will
teach you the fear of the Lord”
(Psalm 34:11). The fear of the Lord is taught and people must humble themselves
and listen to the teachings. Thus, as women are learning the fear of the Lord,
they are regaining and retaining the value of womanhood, and men are honouring
them. Nobody honours what is not valuable. There must be value before honour!
Therefore, as women are regaining their value they are gaining honour in their
relationship and the character of Christ is manifesting in their life.
Character of Christ
typical way to regain and retain the value of womanhood is to cultivate the
character of Christ. The character of Christ simply refers to the personality
characteristics of Christ which are seen in how He behaves, talks, or acts.
Fortunately, we are called to have the same character that Christ has by
conforming to His image (Romans 8:29-30).
“Your beauty should not consist of outward
things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine
clothes. Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is very valuable in
God’s eyes” (1
Peter 3:3-4). What is inside the heart, which is the imperishable
quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, produces the character of Christ
outwardly. Thus, what is seen as the character of Christ in someone’s life is a
result of the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which was also
in Christ (Colossians 2:5-10).
value of a woman is not seen in her beauty but her character. Beauty is good,
but it will not make men to stop abusing, embarrassing, or harassing her.
Nobody places high lasting value on a woman because she is beautiful. Rather,
her outward beauty without the Character of Christ may lead to double
embarrassment. Men may not value her because she wears fine cloth and expensive
shoes, and make expensive hair. They may not stop insulting her unless they
find something precious in her, and that is the character of Christ.
character of Christ manifests as fruits.
In the same way, every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree produces
bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit; neither can a bad tree produce
good fruit. So you’ll recognize them by their fruit (Matthew 7:17-18, 20). This implies that the kind of fruits a woman
produces in her relationship and marriage determines the value she gains. Men
know them by their fruits and relate with them accordingly. Therefore, it is
good to produce the fruits of the spirit to gain much value. “But the
fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith,
gentleness, self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Now those
who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and
desires. Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit"
can cultivate these fruits by a conscious or a deliberate effort of building
one after another. “For this very reason,
make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with
knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance
with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection
with love. For if these qualities are
yours and are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful
in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. The person who lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has
forgotten the cleansing from his past sins” (2 Peter 1:5-9).
if any woman observes to do all that is written in this article, she will be
called “A virtuous woman” and she will have a very high value (Proverbs
31:10-31). I encourage everyone coming in contact with the article to carefully
understand and practice its contents to restore the value of womanhood in our
society. God bless you!